That was a good drum break

Sisyphus, etc.

TW: depression

I wanted a picture of this moment: the moment where I realized that living off of Coca-Cola and all-nighters is no longer a tenable situation, the moment where I realized just how far I’ve overstepped the boundaries of my ability to keep my shit together, the moment where I’ve realized how bad I let things get. 

But it is dark in here and figuring out the lighting situation (or, god forbid, digging my actual camera out of my purse — which is sitting at my feet — and then uploading a picture to my laptop) is so not within my capabilities right now. Which speaks to the reality of the situation far better than any image would, I guess. 

Anyhow: in some ways this is as close to rock bottom as I have ever let myself get. And I didn’t even see it coming this time, because normally I go down kicking and screaming. This was a much quieter, gentler descent. But whether you fling yourself off the cliff or carefully pick your way down, testing all your footholds and using proper safety equipment, you’re still at the bottom of a sheer rock face, wondering how much energy you’re going to have to expend to make it back up again. 

Christmas really snuck up on me this year. It’s easier to remember it’s coming when there’s snow on the ground.